At first glance and to the outside world, this probably seems totally preposterous. But, as I quickly approach my second child leaving the nest for college I am feeling the empty nest syndrome. Sure, I still have four kids at home but it is kind of like cutting off my thumbs and saying that it is OK because I still have the other fingers. Surely the thumbs will be missed no matter how many fingers are left.
At the same time I am excited to see my two oldest grow and mature and leave to start their own lives. All of our lives will change. Change is not easy but not necessarily bad. I believe that God has great plans for all of us. We need only wait and follow His leading.
It has been fun to watch my two oldest as they get closer to leaving. Each is reacting in their own way, working on the family relationships. Making memories as you will.
My oldest has been out of the house for college for about 2 years now. In a lot of ways, she doesn't live with us anymore. She visits us. That is OK and what should happen. I will always love her and she will always be a part of the family. But just like I go to visit my parents, she will go to visit her parents. Like they say in the movie "The Lion King", "It's the circle of life".
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Over The Hill
I am in my mid 40's. In a lot of ways that really isn't all that old. But at the same time I am starting to feel the effects of age. My wife will keep telling me that I am not all that old. I remind that it isn't the age but the mileage that is getting to me.
I do find myself moving down the road of many men before me. I want to do things that say I am NOT old. I play basketball 3 times a week with a group of men that are anywhere from there mid 20's to their 70's. It makes for a very interesting game. I was not blessed with athletic ability and had never played basketball until about 9 years ago when I started playing with this group. Some of the players change from year to year. But the game never changes.
I am not sure what it is about the game but I find myself unable to give it up. The first year I played I almost lost a finger. I was back in about 6 weeks with my finger taped up playing again. This allows me to test my 'mettle'. I didn't really realize how important this is to the male of our species until I found my then 5 year old son repeatedly jumping off of his bunk bed. Of course, my wife freaked out. I asked him why he 'needed' to do that. He said, "I don't know". I later realized he was testing his 'mettle'. He needed to prove that he could do it.
So, my son repeated tries to prove that he is growing up and getting older while I try and do just the opposite. I have no doubt that my wife wishes we would both just act our ages but I don't think that is possible.
I do find myself moving down the road of many men before me. I want to do things that say I am NOT old. I play basketball 3 times a week with a group of men that are anywhere from there mid 20's to their 70's. It makes for a very interesting game. I was not blessed with athletic ability and had never played basketball until about 9 years ago when I started playing with this group. Some of the players change from year to year. But the game never changes.
I am not sure what it is about the game but I find myself unable to give it up. The first year I played I almost lost a finger. I was back in about 6 weeks with my finger taped up playing again. This allows me to test my 'mettle'. I didn't really realize how important this is to the male of our species until I found my then 5 year old son repeatedly jumping off of his bunk bed. Of course, my wife freaked out. I asked him why he 'needed' to do that. He said, "I don't know". I later realized he was testing his 'mettle'. He needed to prove that he could do it.
So, my son repeated tries to prove that he is growing up and getting older while I try and do just the opposite. I have no doubt that my wife wishes we would both just act our ages but I don't think that is possible.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Stop, I want off
My guess is that there is not a parent out there who has never had these thoughts. Now is kind of one of those times. There are so many things all going on at once. I sometimes wonder how any of it will ever get done.
I think back to my parents and the words, "I hope you have kids just like you, someday". That thought just sends shivers down my spine. As it turns out my children, are not just like me but do have many of the same qualities. Each of my six children are unique, each picking up traits from my wife and myself. Mind you, I am very proud of all my children and what they have become and are becoming.
The challenge is seeing those traits in my children that I don't like in myself. I want to immediately fix them. As their parent I want to make sure they never make any mistakes or ever have to suffer. I realize now that I am not supposed to make sure my children are free from suffering or never make mistakes. Rather, it is those times of suffering and mistakes that cause them to grow and become the adults they are supposed to be.
So, while all of life's twists and turns seem overwhelming at times, I also know that my Father in heaven is allowing me to make my own mistakes and endure my own suffering. For this I am grateful. It is through my trials that I have learned so much and gained so much. For example, I now have a greater compassion for people that are dealing weight issue because I have battled weight issues and a propensity to over-eat.
I think back to my parents and the words, "I hope you have kids just like you, someday". That thought just sends shivers down my spine. As it turns out my children, are not just like me but do have many of the same qualities. Each of my six children are unique, each picking up traits from my wife and myself. Mind you, I am very proud of all my children and what they have become and are becoming.
The challenge is seeing those traits in my children that I don't like in myself. I want to immediately fix them. As their parent I want to make sure they never make any mistakes or ever have to suffer. I realize now that I am not supposed to make sure my children are free from suffering or never make mistakes. Rather, it is those times of suffering and mistakes that cause them to grow and become the adults they are supposed to be.
So, while all of life's twists and turns seem overwhelming at times, I also know that my Father in heaven is allowing me to make my own mistakes and endure my own suffering. For this I am grateful. It is through my trials that I have learned so much and gained so much. For example, I now have a greater compassion for people that are dealing weight issue because I have battled weight issues and a propensity to over-eat.
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Best of the 70's and 80's
Music has been a large part of society from the earliest of times. Each generation thinks that theirs was real music. I sit here listening to my 80's music. Enjoying the heavy rock rhythms. I forgot how much I enjoy listening to the music of my youth. As I got older, the music of my youth was replaced with Barney singing "I love you, you love me". Not horribly upsetting but yet a reality of life. My second oldest daughter recently came to me and said they were having an 80's themed prom. I got excited!
Music has incredible power to move people in many different ways. Many people today find great hope and consolation in listening to christian music. Others listen to some of the more violent rap music and say they are stirred to violence because the "music made me do it". Songs that speak of promiscuous living; sex, drugs and over indulgence of other kinds often help people justify that type of behavior.
Maybe that is my real point in all of this. Media; from songs to TV to movies have great effect on us and help shape our social norms. For example, TV in the 50's never showed people in bed together. In fact, it always showed married couples as sleeping in separate beds. Now, showing people in bed is nothing. As people in the media continue to push the social boundaries we get used to them and accept them as the "norm". Our challenge is to fight society and the media. If enough people will say no to watching or listening to this "stuff" then it just might move to a return to a simpler and more moral time.
I will definitely not say that the music of the 80's was the epitome of moral goodness(far from it) but it is better than most of the stuff that is out there today.
Music has incredible power to move people in many different ways. Many people today find great hope and consolation in listening to christian music. Others listen to some of the more violent rap music and say they are stirred to violence because the "music made me do it". Songs that speak of promiscuous living; sex, drugs and over indulgence of other kinds often help people justify that type of behavior.
Maybe that is my real point in all of this. Media; from songs to TV to movies have great effect on us and help shape our social norms. For example, TV in the 50's never showed people in bed together. In fact, it always showed married couples as sleeping in separate beds. Now, showing people in bed is nothing. As people in the media continue to push the social boundaries we get used to them and accept them as the "norm". Our challenge is to fight society and the media. If enough people will say no to watching or listening to this "stuff" then it just might move to a return to a simpler and more moral time.
I will definitely not say that the music of the 80's was the epitome of moral goodness(far from it) but it is better than most of the stuff that is out there today.
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