Chosen

Mary was chosen by God to be the mother of Jesus. We read that in the bible and can except it as truth. This was a very dramatic choice that changed everything. As was spoken recently in my childrens Christmas program, "This changes everything". A young ladies "Yes" was a game changer for the world.

My thought and realization in this is that we are all chosen by God. We may not realize why and it may not seem like anything important but think about it. You can be a game changer for someone. This might seem overwhelming. You may never know who or what the reason is but rest assured your Heavenly Father knows.

My son and I recently went to visit a veterans home to take them some cookies and help them play bingo. When we left my son said this was the best meeting ever because it was nice to think of others first.

So, if we have been personally chosen by God maybe we should spend some time talking to Him about what we are doing. When you look at all of the situations in your life, look at them through the eyes of prayer and see the wonders God is doing.

God bless.

Do Your Best - Continued

I was thinking about this on the way home last night at 10pm. It is easy to sit there and way do your best at the 'cool' stuff. Sports and such. It is fairly easy to want to do your best to win the big game or you are expecting some big recognition. But, what about those other times. Cleaning your room, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn. Shouldn't we do our best at those things to? You know what I mean those things we don't like to do. Can I show the same gusto helping my wife mop the floor or hang curtains(things I love to do) as I do when I am playing basketball or tennis on the Wii.

Anyway, something to think about. Are we doing our best in the mundane and ordinary or just at the big game? Do we practice just as hard as we play?

Do Your Best

'Do Your Best' This is the cubs scout motto. Like many of you out there, I learned this motto as a young man. Now, my son is in cub scouts and I have the privilege of being his den leader. As we sit together and go over the promise, the law and the motto I am mindful of just how good these things are. In my life and lives of my children, I have tried to stress doing your best. I am always sure to add in that it means to do the best you can not necessarily the best of everyone.

We live in a very competitive world where being the best is something we must do. I play basketball. I am not very good. I realize that I will probably never be the best unless everyone else gets the plague. So, all I can do is my best. As long as I do the best I can then I have succeeded.

All of my children have been very successful. They naturally compare themselves to each other. I try to discourage that. I want them to be themselves. OK, let's face it, I do sometimes want to say, "Why can't you be more like your sister?". But then I step back and remember. Jesus wants us to be the best people we can be. We can't all be the same. That is why He is willing to meet us where we are at. He doesn't say, "Once you are good or the best then I will come to you".

Try looking at your children through the loving eyes of Jesus and meet them where they are at. That doesn't mean you can't encourage them along. Just try and love them forward. I think you will be amazed at the results. Only time will tell how well this will work but I can tell you that it is looking good so far.

The Best Day ever!

I know this sounds like a cliche or a line from some cheesy self help book. And maybe it is. However, I have started each day over the last week or so with the thought of this being the best day ever. I have been able to do quite well with my attitude over the last week.

I know for a fact that the stresses of job and family have not gone away. The stress fairy did not suddenly come to me one night like the tooth fairy and take my stress away. And before you start thinking that I am a genius. Let me tell you I got the idea from one of my daughters. I still get razzed a bit about it at work when people ask me how I am doing and I tell them that I am having the best day ever. I think some of them are starting to get it though.

So, my suggestion to everyone out there that may be feeling a bit down or overwhelmed it to give it a try. Hey, even if it doesn't work you can say you tried something different and that should count for something.

On The Road Again!

Well it is that time. Daughter number 3 is learning to drive. I can hear you all right now saying to yourselves.

Thanks for the warning.
I'm sorry.
Better you than me.

And while that is one way to look at it, I look at it as a blessing. I look forward to the chance to take her out driving. When else is our busy lives do I get to spend that much one on one time with one of my kids. It is a wonderful time to both watch her grow in confidence and skill. In addition, it is also a time when I get to have those conversations that I never have time for otherwise. Mostly I just try and listen and offer my input only when asked for. So, to all of you parents out there, you have a choice. Make this a wonderful time to experience life with your child or run from it. I choose to live this time with my daughter.

Living on The Edge

From my youngest memories I can remember 'living' on the edge. It started with my Mom saying don't touch the cookies. And I would see just how close I could get without touching them. Or she would say, "Don't leave the yard". I, of course, would see just how close I could get to the edge.

Now, to move that to more current times. Maybe it is a speed limit. I know will travel as fast as I think I can go without a ticket. Of course, we all know that I would never exceed the speed limit(disclaimer in case the police read my BLOG). Financially, we know how much we make and we will always tend to spend as close to that amount as possible. It is human nature after all.

God puts limits on us through scripture and the teachings of the church. These limits are put there for our own good. The same can be said for the rules and limits imposed on us by our parents. We may not like them but they are put there for our good. History has shown us that people will always push the limits. If they didn't, we wouldn't have any needs for our court system or lawyers. The challenge we have then is living within the limits and not try to push them with loose interpretations or rationalizations. "But everyone does it" is not a good excuse.

This is especially hard today from a moral standpoint. In the 60's, TV would not ever show, even a married couple, in the bedroom together. When there bedroom was shown they each had a twin bed. Today, however, because we have continually pushed the limits the social norms have been re-written. What is commonplace on TV now would have been considered X-rated 50 years ago. This presents a very real dilemma for those of us trying to live a moral and christian life. We may be able to say we have not sinned from a legalistic standpoint but we have probably pushed as close to the edge as we can get with actually sinning. What makes this especially dangerous is that the edge keeps moving farther and farther away.

Empty Nest Syndrome

At first glance and to the outside world, this probably seems totally preposterous. But, as I quickly approach my second child leaving the nest for college I am feeling the empty nest syndrome. Sure, I still have four kids at home but it is kind of like cutting off my thumbs and saying that it is OK because I still have the other fingers. Surely the thumbs will be missed no matter how many fingers are left.

At the same time I am excited to see my two oldest grow and mature and leave to start their own lives. All of our lives will change. Change is not easy but not necessarily bad. I believe that God has great plans for all of us. We need only wait and follow His leading.

It has been fun to watch my two oldest as they get closer to leaving. Each is reacting in their own way, working on the family relationships. Making memories as you will.

My oldest has been out of the house for college for about 2 years now. In a lot of ways, she doesn't live with us anymore. She visits us. That is OK and what should happen. I will always love her and she will always be a part of the family. But just like I go to visit my parents, she will go to visit her parents. Like they say in the movie "The Lion King", "It's the circle of life".

Over The Hill

I am in my mid 40's. In a lot of ways that really isn't all that old. But at the same time I am starting to feel the effects of age. My wife will keep telling me that I am not all that old. I remind that it isn't the age but the mileage that is getting to me.

I do find myself moving down the road of many men before me. I want to do things that say I am NOT old. I play basketball 3 times a week with a group of men that are anywhere from there mid 20's to their 70's. It makes for a very interesting game. I was not blessed with athletic ability and had never played basketball until about 9 years ago when I started playing with this group. Some of the players change from year to year. But the game never changes.

I am not sure what it is about the game but I find myself unable to give it up. The first year I played I almost lost a finger. I was back in about 6 weeks with my finger taped up playing again. This allows me to test my 'mettle'. I didn't really realize how important this is to the male of our species until I found my then 5 year old son repeatedly jumping off of his bunk bed. Of course, my wife freaked out. I asked him why he 'needed' to do that. He said, "I don't know". I later realized he was testing his 'mettle'. He needed to prove that he could do it.

So, my son repeated tries to prove that he is growing up and getting older while I try and do just the opposite. I have no doubt that my wife wishes we would both just act our ages but I don't think that is possible.

Stop, I want off

My guess is that there is not a parent out there who has never had these thoughts. Now is kind of one of those times. There are so many things all going on at once. I sometimes wonder how any of it will ever get done.

I think back to my parents and the words, "I hope you have kids just like you, someday". That thought just sends shivers down my spine. As it turns out my children, are not just like me but do have many of the same qualities. Each of my six children are unique, each picking up traits from my wife and myself. Mind you, I am very proud of all my children and what they have become and are becoming.

The challenge is seeing those traits in my children that I don't like in myself. I want to immediately fix them. As their parent I want to make sure they never make any mistakes or ever have to suffer. I realize now that I am not supposed to make sure my children are free from suffering or never make mistakes. Rather, it is those times of suffering and mistakes that cause them to grow and become the adults they are supposed to be.

So, while all of life's twists and turns seem overwhelming at times, I also know that my Father in heaven is allowing me to make my own mistakes and endure my own suffering. For this I am grateful. It is through my trials that I have learned so much and gained so much. For example, I now have a greater compassion for people that are dealing weight issue because I have battled weight issues and a propensity to over-eat.

The Best of the 70's and 80's

Music has been a large part of society from the earliest of times. Each generation thinks that theirs was real music. I sit here listening to my 80's music. Enjoying the heavy rock rhythms. I forgot how much I enjoy listening to the music of my youth. As I got older, the music of my youth was replaced with Barney singing "I love you, you love me". Not horribly upsetting but yet a reality of life. My second oldest daughter recently came to me and said they were having an 80's themed prom. I got excited!

Music has incredible power to move people in many different ways. Many people today find great hope and consolation in listening to christian music. Others listen to some of the more violent rap music and say they are stirred to violence because the "music made me do it". Songs that speak of promiscuous living; sex, drugs and over indulgence of other kinds often help people justify that type of behavior.

Maybe that is my real point in all of this. Media; from songs to TV to movies have great effect on us and help shape our social norms. For example, TV in the 50's never showed people in bed together. In fact, it always showed married couples as sleeping in separate beds. Now, showing people in bed is nothing. As people in the media continue to push the social boundaries we get used to them and accept them as the "norm". Our challenge is to fight society and the media. If enough people will say no to watching or listening to this "stuff" then it just might move to a return to a simpler and more moral time.

I will definitely not say that the music of the 80's was the epitome of moral goodness(far from it) but it is better than most of the stuff that is out there today.

I Wanna Know What Love Is

The title is from a very popular song from the 80's by Foreigner. I grew up in the 70's and 80's. It was the era of "sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll". Our society was going through a period of "free love." What they really meant was a promiscuous era of free sex. I never really knew what love was and the few ideas that I had were pretty screwed up. I believe all people are built with the desire for "real love," the type of love that can only come from relationship with God. Unfortunately, most people only grasp what they learn from society. We substitute God's love for love of possessions, love of money, and the physical manifestation of love -- sex.
In 1988, I decided to begin a journey to find out what love was. That journey started with a desire to get myself to church and quick. I started attending the Lutheran church (where I was baptized as an infant). It was as if God was instantly rewarding me, I met a beautiful girl and got married in August of 1988. On Easter 1989, I was confirmed into the Catholic Church. I was starting to understand what real love was but I was still missing the boat, fighting off some old habits and misconceptions.
Some years later, I remember the day I prayed specifically to God to fill me in on this “love thing.” I was going to a pro-life meeting at the church. I got there a few minutes early and received a very strong response from God. It was like someone turning the light on and talking to me like they were trying to wake me up. The message was, "Hey, I sent you four teachers, what else do you want?” I knew in an instant the four teachers He was referring to were my four daughters. You see, most of the misconceptions I had about love centered around my relationships with women. My wife and four young daughters were definitely good examples of what love was supposed to be. It seemed pretty ironic that the teachers he sent were females, the very source of my problem.
I am still on the journey. I understand better each day. I now have 6 children. You see, as part of my “love” training God blessed me with two more children. My youngest child, a daughter, demonstrates to me on a daily basis what love is about as she runs up to me, jumps into my arms and says, “I just love my Daddy.” I can just imagine Jesus standing there waiting for me to run, jump and tell Him that I love Him. No grudges, no conditions, just love -- freely given.

Living Below Your Means

I think our society over the last 40 years has been in a practice of living at or above our means. That has finally come to bite us in the behind. What you are seeing now is a return to how people lived in the 50's and 60's. The idea that a person might have to "save up" to purchase something was a concept that was both foreign and repulsive to most people in America. The events of the last couple of years has produced a return to more traditional values. I think this is a good thing.

I guess I was lucky that my father from early on instilled on me these "old fashioned" values. The ideas of working for what you want and that you might have to save up to purchase something or, heaven forbid, sacrifice something. These are now carrying over into my family. I think that I have attempted to move this to a new level in my life and this is what I wish to talk about here.

My walk with Christ has led me on a path to truly examine my priorities and to let Christ guide my purchasing. I think I will start with a little history to explain this. My wife and I got married in 1988. At the time we both made approximately the same salary. As with most newlyweds, we dreamed of having children and buying a house. After about a year of marriage we became pregnant. The time to purchase a house had come. To qualify to buy a house we needed both incomes but because we had talked about it we made sure we purchased a house that we could afford on my income alone. This way we would not be forced into making my wife work to support a house. Having the option for my wife to stay home with our child was an important thing to us and one we were willing to "sacrifice" for.

People would tell me that it was impossible to raise a child on just one income. I would argue that most people were unwilling to raise a child on one income. Again, a difference in our way of thinking and our priorities. Please understand that there is no judgment here on working moms or anything like that. It is just important that you honestly look at your rationale behind your decisions and decide if you are being selfish or selfless.

Several years later, read 12, I had to make another big decision and take another leap of faith. This time it was a decision to put all of my children into private school. Because we had been "practicing" living below our means this was a possibility. We have never regretted the decision. Maybe I complain sometimes about all the stuff I could have but I know that I have made the right decision for my family.

Before anybody decides to get me fitted for a halo, let me tell you the other side of the story. Rarely does a week go by when I don't "want" to be selfish. I want the new car, the HDTV, and all of the other toys that society tells us we need. I often dream of "accidentally" pushing my TV off the shelf so I can get a new one because I can't justify getting a new one that I don't need. So, while my brain know I am doing what God calls me to, I am unable to rid myself of the selfish feelings I have.

I wanted Stereo but all I got was Mono!!

Sorry for the terribly bad pun. Mononucleosis is an incredibly nasty disease that has directly affected 4 members of my family. All of the family along with friends and acquaintances have been affected indirectly in having to deal with the affects of this disease. According to Wikipedia, the classical symptoms of mononucleosis are a sore throat, fever, fatigue, weight loss, malaise, pharyngeal inflammation, petechiae and loss of appetite. Here is a link to get the full scoop:

We go back to about the time when school was starting back around mid August. My 17 year old senior was starting volleyball practice along with my then 14 yr old freshman. The 17 year old was saying she was always tired, off and on she would state that her throat hurt. She was also not eating well and losing weight. She was not able to perform at the level she was used to in volleyball and was becoming very frustrated over it because she "knew" she could do better. We tried to get her to sleep more and to eat more but nothing seemed to help.

Parents usually seem to "get it" eventually and this was no exception. I don't like running to the doctor every time someone coughs or sneezes. but this was different now. We took her to the doctor to make sure something wasn't wrong that was causing the weight loss and other things. This is when we got the confirmation of "Mono". Good and bad because while now we have an explanation there is no treatment other than treating the symptoms.

So, about this time I start coming home from work and all I want to do is go to bed. I find myself feeling depressed and don't know why and other issues. After a few weeks I decide to go to the doctor and lo and behold I have mono. My 14 year old is trying to get adjusted to high school and is having some difficulties and you would think I would have cought on by now but, noooooo. After quite some I finally decide to take her to the doctor also to see if anything is wrong. We are now 3 for 3.

Along with all of the other drama in my life my oldest daughter is preparing to move to a foreign country for 4 months. She has a "cold" but we still think nothing of it. My previous post explains this part of the story in more detail so I won't go into it here.

The thing to take away from all of this is the next time you here about someone having "the kissing disease", it is a serious thing that while maybe not life threatening it is something serious. I sincerely hope this will be the end of "Mono" in my house because I don't know if I can handle anyone else getting it.

Here I come to save the day!!!

I remember as a kid watching Mighty Mouse and his famous saying, "Here I come to save the day". When I got married and then later a father I made myself the "Mighty Mouse" of the family. I have always kind of seen myself as the fixit guy. I cannot stand having anything broken around. Whether it is a leaky faucet or a hurting child I must fix it, immediately.

This can be a good thing sometimes. It is surely better than being totally apathetic all of the time. I think wisdom is finally taking over and I am learning when to not "fix" things. Often as the chief fixer, I rush in to "save the day". In typical superhero fashion I put on all of the "gear" I need to fix the problem at hand.

Like I rush into the bathroom where there is water on the floor with the wet vac in hand to suck up the water. I am 100% focused on this solution because, hey, I have a wet vac. It turns out the real problem is an overflowing toilet and I should turn the water off. We want to apply our solution and sometimes miss the fact that we are fixing the wrong problem. I think of story of a knight in shining armor going off to save the princess from the burning castle. Because eh assumed that the problem was the dragon and he brought his dragon fighting tools that is what needed to be done. It is a smart and brave knight that realizes he is fighting the wrong battle and will switch his plan.

Recently, I had such a situation where I had a daughter who was sick and in a foreign country. I was sure that what I needed to go was to save her to where she could stay where she was. I had battle plans and all the gear imaginable to save her. But by the grace of God, I was able to see that the solution/fixing I wanted to do was not the solution she needed. She is now home and recovering nicely. God is good and always has a plan, we just need to take the time to listen for it.

To infinity and beyond

I was contemplating last night about Christ's infinite love for us (To infinity and beyond). This phrase was made popular in the animated movie "Toy Story". Funny movie by the way with Tom Hanks and Tim Allen. God, in giving us Jesus Christ, went to infinity, he hit one out of the park. Hey, we do call him the Alpha and the Omega.

Now to bring this down to raising a family. I have six children and usually all I have doesn't seem to be enough. And yet, by the Grace of God I have been able to go to infinity and beyond. It is by this Grace that I will be boarding a plane tomorrow and flying to Italy to visit with my oldest. A parent must balance so many things when raising a family, especially a large one. We have a lot of needs on different levels and at different times, because of the 15 year spread over their ages.

I am fully convinced that when I first became a parent someone secretly re-programmed me. I was given a heart and desire that would do anything for any of my children. While I have retained a lot of my single, selfish ways, I always seem to have what is need at the appropriate time, even if it takes 2 or 3 tries.

I believe that if we remain faithful, all will be taken care of the way God intends. About 5 years ago I quit making budgets. Why? They never worked. I explain. I would set up a budget on paper and it would never balance, I was always in the negative with no visible way to correct it. But the reality has been that it always works out as long as I remain faithful and Christ-centered in my finances.

Desire VS Compliance

I realized a while back that my truest desire for my children is that they will be guided by a Christ-heart. By that I mean that just as Christ was the ultimate selfless sacrifice, always looking at what can and should be done for others, I want my children to have that same selfless compassion working toward the good of all. The reality is that we are all born selfish creatures.

Now before you start thinking that I am going to delve into some deeply philosophical babble let me interject some real world examples. Doing the dishes in our house is a chore. In the perfect Christ world, the person in charge of dishes would 'want' to make sure their was always clean dishes to make life easier for the rest of us. This is something we should strive for as adults not just for our children. This is so much harder to do in reality.

I realized this desire on day as I was telling one of my children for the third time to set the table, that what I really wanted was for them to 'want' to set the table. How to implement this change of heart is the center of this post. Most often we try to make them 'want' to by enforcing compliance. Usually, the conversation starts and end with, "because I said so". Lately thought I have been wondering if this is the right approach. Like that because I force them to share their toys they will want to share them in the future.

As parents, I think we need to move beyond trying to enforce compliance and find the way to reach the heart. I don't know how to do this yet but I keep praying and trying to find the right answer. I do know this much; it has to start with our example.

Ouch!

It's a Boy!!

A little over 6 years ago, God in His infinite wisdom chose to bless me with a son. I now understand a great many things that I did not before. I see myself in his eyes almost everyday. Each day he gets up and puts on his uniform for the day. This usually includes an utility belt for holding all of his 'necessary' gear for the day. Some days it is tools on other days it is weapons(toy weapons, of course). From the questions he asks to the insights on life that he shares with me, everyday is an adventure. Here is an example.

I was telling him a story the other night about a superhero chef on a private yacht. During the course of the story they were attacked by pirates, of course. Our superhero decided to make some weapons out of paddles and shark teeth. After the battle, I said that they put away their weapons. My son had to know where they put them, exactly, where they put them and how did I know the place would be big enough, and would they be able to get to them easily in case the pirates came back.

My sources of wisdom

My formation for life as a parent started a long time ago with my own upbringing. I learned a lot from my own father. Later on, when I joined the catholic church, I started learning from my Father(God). On the lighter side, I picked up a lot of wisdom from Bill Cosby on the Cosby Show. Randy Pausch in his book, "The Last Lecture", also taught me a lot. And perhaps some of the greatest teachers have been my own children who have guided my formation as a parent without them even knowing it.

I am the father of 6 children. If this doesn't put me on the wild side, I don't know what does. Most of the time I feel like a half-crazed lunatic. I guess by the world's standards I am. However, I also know that I am the luckiest man alive to have the joy of a large family. I have 5 girls, ages; 19, 17, 15, 12, and 4. My son is 6. What I hope to do here is put into written form some of my experiences so that others can learn from either. Either what to do or perhaps as often, what NOT to do. Only Jesus was perfect from the start the rest of us have a long way to go.