To infinity and beyond

I was contemplating last night about Christ's infinite love for us (To infinity and beyond). This phrase was made popular in the animated movie "Toy Story". Funny movie by the way with Tom Hanks and Tim Allen. God, in giving us Jesus Christ, went to infinity, he hit one out of the park. Hey, we do call him the Alpha and the Omega.

Now to bring this down to raising a family. I have six children and usually all I have doesn't seem to be enough. And yet, by the Grace of God I have been able to go to infinity and beyond. It is by this Grace that I will be boarding a plane tomorrow and flying to Italy to visit with my oldest. A parent must balance so many things when raising a family, especially a large one. We have a lot of needs on different levels and at different times, because of the 15 year spread over their ages.

I am fully convinced that when I first became a parent someone secretly re-programmed me. I was given a heart and desire that would do anything for any of my children. While I have retained a lot of my single, selfish ways, I always seem to have what is need at the appropriate time, even if it takes 2 or 3 tries.

I believe that if we remain faithful, all will be taken care of the way God intends. About 5 years ago I quit making budgets. Why? They never worked. I explain. I would set up a budget on paper and it would never balance, I was always in the negative with no visible way to correct it. But the reality has been that it always works out as long as I remain faithful and Christ-centered in my finances.

Desire VS Compliance

I realized a while back that my truest desire for my children is that they will be guided by a Christ-heart. By that I mean that just as Christ was the ultimate selfless sacrifice, always looking at what can and should be done for others, I want my children to have that same selfless compassion working toward the good of all. The reality is that we are all born selfish creatures.

Now before you start thinking that I am going to delve into some deeply philosophical babble let me interject some real world examples. Doing the dishes in our house is a chore. In the perfect Christ world, the person in charge of dishes would 'want' to make sure their was always clean dishes to make life easier for the rest of us. This is something we should strive for as adults not just for our children. This is so much harder to do in reality.

I realized this desire on day as I was telling one of my children for the third time to set the table, that what I really wanted was for them to 'want' to set the table. How to implement this change of heart is the center of this post. Most often we try to make them 'want' to by enforcing compliance. Usually, the conversation starts and end with, "because I said so". Lately thought I have been wondering if this is the right approach. Like that because I force them to share their toys they will want to share them in the future.

As parents, I think we need to move beyond trying to enforce compliance and find the way to reach the heart. I don't know how to do this yet but I keep praying and trying to find the right answer. I do know this much; it has to start with our example.

Ouch!

It's a Boy!!

A little over 6 years ago, God in His infinite wisdom chose to bless me with a son. I now understand a great many things that I did not before. I see myself in his eyes almost everyday. Each day he gets up and puts on his uniform for the day. This usually includes an utility belt for holding all of his 'necessary' gear for the day. Some days it is tools on other days it is weapons(toy weapons, of course). From the questions he asks to the insights on life that he shares with me, everyday is an adventure. Here is an example.

I was telling him a story the other night about a superhero chef on a private yacht. During the course of the story they were attacked by pirates, of course. Our superhero decided to make some weapons out of paddles and shark teeth. After the battle, I said that they put away their weapons. My son had to know where they put them, exactly, where they put them and how did I know the place would be big enough, and would they be able to get to them easily in case the pirates came back.

My sources of wisdom

My formation for life as a parent started a long time ago with my own upbringing. I learned a lot from my own father. Later on, when I joined the catholic church, I started learning from my Father(God). On the lighter side, I picked up a lot of wisdom from Bill Cosby on the Cosby Show. Randy Pausch in his book, "The Last Lecture", also taught me a lot. And perhaps some of the greatest teachers have been my own children who have guided my formation as a parent without them even knowing it.

I am the father of 6 children. If this doesn't put me on the wild side, I don't know what does. Most of the time I feel like a half-crazed lunatic. I guess by the world's standards I am. However, I also know that I am the luckiest man alive to have the joy of a large family. I have 5 girls, ages; 19, 17, 15, 12, and 4. My son is 6. What I hope to do here is put into written form some of my experiences so that others can learn from either. Either what to do or perhaps as often, what NOT to do. Only Jesus was perfect from the start the rest of us have a long way to go.