Standing on the Edge

From our earliest days we have pushed the limits. We stand at the edge of the crib trying to get out. Our Mom tells us to not touch something and we feel compelled to see how close we can get to it without actually touching it. It seems to be part of that stain of original sin.

Our parents as our first guides and teachers put up boundaries for us to keep us safe and free of sin. When we get past the boundaries and give in to our temptations we will be scolded, perhaps. Hopefully, our parents, like Jesus, will reach out to us afterward to offer forgiveness and reconciliation. 

This is one thing as a child but as an adult can have devastating results. Take, for instance, thou shall not kill. Easy enough but in our society today that statement makes everything that is not actually killing acceptable. Pornography is a big issue in our society today especially for men. While most will agree that pornography is wrong they don't see any problem with girls in skimpy bathing suits. 

We men often fool ourselves that it is OK to walk near the edge as long as we don't go all the way. That could not be further from the truth. That one small compromise weakens our self control. The best way I have found, to combat these temptations to rationalize the 'little' sins in my life, is to constantly fill myself with good and wholesome things and keep removing from my life those things that are not of God.

Lately, I have been reading a book about Brother Lawrence, a Carmelite monk. He liked to practice the presence of God. The book is titled, "The Practice of the Presence of God". I find his approach simple to grasp with a lifetime to master.

Following The Steps

Matthew 3:13-16 - Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan to be baptized by him. John tried to prevent him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and yet you are coming to me?" Jesus said to him in reply, "Allow it now, for it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness." Then he allowed him. After Jesus was baptized, he came up from the water and behold, the heavens were open [for him], and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove [and] coming upon him. And a voice came from the heavens, saying, "This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased."

Thoughts:  Jesus certainly did not need to be baptized. He was the son of God, after all. John was certainly appropriate in his response. However unworthy we feel or seem, God will use us in very mighty ways if we just let him. 

Our God is not a god of reckless abandonment. We have a great God of order and self control. Jesus saw the importance of following the steps. He observed the customs of the Jewish religion. He gave us specific steps to follow that we have in the mass. I think in the reading today He was showing us that there are visible and necessary steps on our journey to salvation. 

Unfortunately, we live in a world that teaches us to take shortcuts. We are constantly inundated  with get rich quick schemes and things to show us how to get to our goals without having to work at it. Or at least to get there quicker than everyone else. But there is much to learn on the journey, following the steps. These steps are not there to hinder or deter us they are there to enhance and prepare us to receive the end goal.

There is no quick route in our spiritual journey. We must follow the steps that Jesus presents to us through the Bible and church tradition. Formation for the diaconate is about a six year process. Some say that is too long. I have often meditated on that and have come to the conclusion that if this is truly what God is calling me to then six years is not that big of a deal. I cannot shortcut this process. Rather, I will endeavor, if accepted, to enjoy the formation process as a journey much like the story of the disciples on the road to Emmaus.

Gonna Be a Long One

Nehemiah 8:2-4a, 5-6, 8-10 - Ezra the priest brought the law before the assembly, which consisted of men, women, and those children old enough to understand. Standing at one end of the open place that was before the Water Gate, he read out of the book from daybreak till midday, in the presence of the men, the women, and those children old enough to understand; and all the people listened attentively to the book of the law. Ezra the scribe stood on a wooden platform that had been made for the occasion. He opened the scroll so that all the people might see it - for he was standing higher up than any of the people -; and as he opened it, all the people rose. Ezra blessed the Lord, the great God, and all the people, their hands raised high, answered, "Amen, amen!" Then they bowed down and prostrated themselves before the Lord, their faces to the ground. Ezra read plainly from the book of the law of God, interpreting it so that all could understand what was read. then Nehemiah, that is, His Excellency, and Ezra the priest-scribe and the Levites who were instructing the people were weeping as they heard the words of the law. He said further: "Go, eat rich foods and drink sweet drinks, and allot portions to those who had nothing prepared; for today is holy to our Lord. do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the Lord must be your strength!"

Thoughts: I read this passage multiple times as I am lectoring this weekend and this was the reading I was to proclaim. On my second time through the reading, it struck me that all of these people came to hear the word of God with as much excitement as people going to a football game. 

Sometimes, we go to mass and think boy is it going long today. I would venture to say we have all done it at one time or another. We sit there and try to listen but we keep checking out watch. It is lasting over an hour, yikes! But the people (children included) in this passage today came to hear the word proclaimed to them. They stood out there from daybreak to midday. I am guessing about six hours. Could you imagine what would happen if mass lasted an hour and a half, let alone six hours? I have heard of places in South and Central America where mass routinely last three plus hours. I can only pray for the faith to hunger for the word so bad as to listen for six hours. 

They didn't just sit there looking at their watches. They were engaged and excited. They raised their hands high and shouted Amen. Starting to feel like a football game or at least a pep rally. In these scriptures God urges us to be approach Sunday's with excitement and to celebrate. 

Let's have an extra piece of desert and some sweet tea. We have been given the scriptures, the Bible as a guide and cause for celebration. May we all find great consolation and reason to celebrate as we hear the word of God proclaimed to us today in Holy Mass.

Take Your Daily Supplements

2 Peter 1:5-8 - For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, virtue with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with devotion, devotion with mutual affection, mutual affection with love. If these are yours and increase in abundance, they will keep you from being idle or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Thoughts: This tells us that faith is not enough. Some say that faith alone is all you need but this tells us it is just a beginning. This is a progression that we all must strive to move through in our faith journey. 

When I first came to faith in Jesus Christ, it was a great time where I enjoyed the consolation of knowing I was forgiven and loved by God. Because of this love I sought to imitate the virtues of Christ. I started practicing many of the virtues found in Jesus Christ and realized that I needed knowledge in order to share this freedom with others. So, I started studying. Scripture, prayer and other spiritual writings.

By consistently filling up my knowledge store houses I had the strength to exercise self control. This was a great feeling for me and something I had never experienced before. My spiritual exercises (prayer time) was something I had always struggled with but now I was finding a new sense of endurance and dedication to my prayer time. That prayer time doesn't always stay the same though. It keeps changing and evolving making my devotions stronger and more meaningful.

I have had some success at mutual affection and with love. I still struggle with selfishness at times but feel truly at peace when I can put aside my selfishness and give of myself in love to others.

So, maybe I am done with my spiritual 8 step program? No, not at all. The end is just the beginning. Once these things increase in you it will naturally call you to action. While I have free will and could say no to God, I don’t because doing so would be to deny my very essence.

Our growing faith cries out for us to keep nourishing it with life giving bread. The bread that comes from heaven. That bread that is Jesus, himself.

What Time Is It?

I am neurotic about time. I would rather be 15 minutes early than 1 minute late. I also like to have a schedule. 'Wasting' time is something that drives me a bit crazy. 

I had my spiritual life pretty on schedule. Now, I don't know about anyone else but I find that when I try inserting 'Robert' knows best into my spiritual life all I ever end up with is a good chuckle from God. My schedule was pretty impressive though.

5:30 am - I read the daily readings and start with some prayer.
6:30 am - morning prayer
9:30 am - rosary
6:30 pm - evening prayer
9:00 pm - spontaneous prayer before bed

On Friday's I would go to morning mass at 8:30 am. This schedule felt pretty good, pretty comfortable. God does not like us to get too comfortable though. When we are too comfortable we can forget that we need Him. This time was no different. God was not about to leave me comfortable too long. 

My daily rosary time was getting many conflicts. Friday morning mass was getting rearranged by different things. My wife wanted to do evening prayer with me but not until later in the day. I was being forced to look at and change my prayer life. 

My frustrations were actually bringing me closer to God. I was starting to have more contemplative and reflective prayer. Some of my old devotions, while still good, were taking a temporary back seat. A healthy and alive prayer life is one that is always changing and evolving. I find I am moving closer to living in the presence of God where he is with me always. 

Sometimes, I feel like my prayer life is getting flat or dry. This brings me joy though because I know that is where I will meet Jesus on a whole new, exciting level. I pray that everyone will allow themselves to be in that place where they will meet Jesus on a whole new level.

Authority

Mark 1:21-22 - Jesus came to Capernaum with his followers, and on the sabbath he entered the synagogue and taught. The people were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one having authority and not as the scribes.

Thoughts: Jesus taught them as one having authority. As I meditated on this, I started thinking about times in my life and times I have witnesses others speaking with authority. This can be on any topic. One can be an expert (or at least think they are an expert) on some topic and they speak about it with a certain set of qualities. 

One who speaks with authority is one who speaks with passion, conviction, confidence and intimacy. Jesus certainly had all of these qualities. This is why he had such an effective message. He is real. 

We read in the Acts of the Apostles about the apostles receiving the gifts of the Spirit. When this happened they spoke boldly about he Gospel message. The Holy Spirit spoke through these simple fishermen and gave them the courage to share in the mission of Jesus. This was the start of the early church. How exciting a time this must have been for the early disciples. They were the first to ride the wave of freedom offered through Jesus Christ. 

In them was fulfilled the promise made to Abraham, "to set us free from the hands of our enemies, free to worship him without fear" Luke 1:74. These early disciples went out at a time when it was probably quite dangerous to be a Christian and they preached the Gospel with boldness and authority. 

A couple of months ago I was asked to give a witness talk at a retreat. I prayed and then gave my talk. I was humbled by the way the Holy Spirit was working through me. In some small way I felt like one of those early apostles. The words flowed out in a way that I could never have done on my own. I am continually amazed at the way I see the Holy Spirit at work in individuals.

The same gift of the Spirit that Jesus promised and sent to his apostles was real. It is the same Spirit that is offered to us today in the same very real way. Just pray for an openness to the gifts and be amazed at the way God will use you for his mighty purposes.

I'm Not Qualified

Mark 1:16-20 - As He was going along by the Sea of Galilee, He saw Simon and Andrew, the brother of Simon, casting a net in the sea; for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed Him. Going on a little farther, He saw James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, who were also in the boat mending the nets. Immediately He called them; and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants, and went away to follow Him.

Thoughts: As I grow in my faith and move closer to Jesus, I feel called to be more active in my faith. My growing faith demands action. I can no longer sit on the sidelines. True faith must be lived. This yearning, a gift from God, is good but can have a number of effects. I think I have had most of them. 

As you start saying yes to the Holy Spirit and start putting your faith into action, people will give you lots of opportunities to 'act'. All of these things sound noble and good so we say yes to everything often without discerning what God's desire is. Then we can become overwhelmed with having so many activities for God. Not necessarily good, so we need to pray and discern where God is calling us to serve. 

Another common phenomenon is the feeling of unworthiness. You may be asked to do something and think there is no way I am not qualified. Through my discernment to apply for the dianocate this comes up often. Especially when I go to class and sit with a lot of really smart people. People who have obviously been studying their faith for years. They know the teachings of the church, they seem very well read. I feel so unworthy and fully expect them to ask me to leave because I don't measure up. 

Then I am reminded in today's reading. Jesus did not call the qualified, he qualified the called. He called fisherman. What did they know about anything? What made them so special? Nothing except that God called them and they for their part listened and responded. We all need to listen for the voice of Jesus in our lives and respond with an unreserved yes.

I sat in a meeting at church yesterday and as we went around the room and listened to everyone share about how they were feeling. The same theme come up over and over again. I am not worthy. I am not qualified. Why me? But, we are all challenged to answer the call.

I pray that everyone today will listen to the still soft voice of the Lord calling us to something greater than ourselves.

I Am An Alien

1 Peter 4:4-5 - They are surprised that you do not plunge into the same swamp of profligacy, and they vilify you; but they will give an account to him who stands ready to judge the living and the dead. 

Thoughts: When a person comes to a close and personal relationship with Jesus Christ, they realize that they can no longer live the same way they did before. For me, my life had to change. I had been born again of the Spirit and I was no longer of this world. I now belonged to my heavenly Father. For now, I must stay in this world and accomplish His mission.

Television was causing a  lot of issues in my life, both for me personally and for my family. How could I even imagine getting closer to God if I kept filling my life with images and words that are not of Him. After ignoring the prodding of God for almost a year, I took the plunge and cable television was gone. The opposition was strong at first but I did not relent. Within 2 weeks my family actually came and thanked me. I think there is still more work to be done here but one step at a time.

For a few years now, I have been wanting to have a mid-life crisis. I would go from wanting to buy a motorcycle to an antique car to some other crazy thing. I never actually did any of these things because I had no peace about them. What I realize now is that I was trying to fill an emptiness in my life. That empty spot was the one reserved for Jesus and nothing else was going to fit in there correctly. I have abandoned myself to Jesus and I am finally going to have my "mid-life" crisis. I am going to be a disciple and evangelist for Christ. Now, this is something I have peace about.

My dad always instilled in my a strong sense of responsibility and much of it rooted around being financially secure. This is not a bad thing but I put too much reliance on the material things of this world and their promise of peace and security. No amount of money was ever going to be enough and peace was certainly not to be found there. I had often place my faith and the faith of my family as secondary. We went to church weekly and frequently received the sacraments but we were kind of missing the boat of true faith. Recently, I told my wife she could quit her job if she wanted. I don't know if she will quit or not but I needed to give up the world’s view on money and possessions. 

There are people who look at me and just can’t understand why I am this way. I greeted a co-worker one day and he asked how I was. I told him that I was fantastic. He said, "Then you aren't of this world". I thought for a second, laughed, told him he was right and walked off. I went to a New Year's eve party and as I mingled with the different people of the party, I again realized that I am not part of this world. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time but I was different than the rest of the people at the party. 

A life dedicated to Christ can be lonely. However, I find my consolation and joy in Jesus. People often see this and they ask why I am joyful. I share the gospel message with them. 

I know there are still places in my life where I need to rid myself of things that are not of God. But I get stronger everyday as I slowly detach myself from the things in my life that do not lead me to God.

The Lord bless you and keep you

Numbers 6:22-27 - The Lord said to Moses: "Speak to Aaron and his sons and tell them: This is how you shall bless the Israelites. Say to them:

The Lord bless you and keep you!

The Lord let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you!

The Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace!

So shall they invoke my name upon the Israelites, and I will bless them."

Thoughts: I was feeling a bit down at the time I read this and it really picked me up. God, the Lord, is telling Moses. not just some random person that this is how you are to bless the Israelites. This is what He wanted the Iraelites to know. We are God's children and he wants to bless us, he wants to keep us, He does not want to put us up for adoption no matter how bad we behave. This is comforting. 

Due to our selfishness and sinfulness, we often hide in the dark not wanting God to find us. I don't want God to see how bad I am and so I hide in the dark and convince myself that I like it there. It is winter right now and dark for a large part of the day. whenever the sun does finally peak out how wonderful and rejuvenated I feel. God wants to be the sunshine in our lives and warm us more than the sun ever can. Sometimes babies are born with jaundice. I think it is like a lack of vitamin A or something like that. Anyway, the important thing is that to cure that they put the baby in sunlight. When we are feeling down or beat up or distant from the Lord, we need to move into the sunlight of His love and grace. Then we will be renewed. 

So, we walk in the light of Christ, we say goodbye to those these that keep us in darkness and the result is that we will have peace. The message from God to Moses to Aaron and his sons is still relevant today. Let us share and be the blessing that we are called to in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Who do you say that I am?

Matthew 16:15-16 - He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter said in reply, "You are the messiah, the Son of the living God."

Thoughts: Who do I say that Jesus is? This was a question that was posed to me a couple weeks ago and I have been thinking about it since. As I reflect on this question, many words come to mind. 

Father, brother, and guide identify the different roles I see Jesus playing in my life. He is the Father that gives sagely wisdom. He is the Brother and friend I can turn to for help. 

Healer, redeemer, and prophet come to mind when I think about what Jesus has done in my life. 

He is the Creator of all things. This is ever visible when looking in the eyes of my children. 

He is Light, shining for me in my greatest darkness.

Jesus is the standard. He is the perfect example of how things should be, of how we should be. I also think of God like a mother. Always there to take care of us and always there to comfort us and pick us up. No matter how often we fall and disappoint Him, he is always ready to forgive me and give me a chance to do better.

Jesus is eternal and everywhere. I find him in the stillness of the night and the business of my day. 

Jesus is life.

Happy New Year

During these first few days of the new year, I have been thinking about the past year and look with eager anticipation to the new year. This past year has been quite the eventful one. 

Last year at this time I was saying goodbye to my second daughter as she boarded a plane to spend the semester in Italy. It was difficult to say goodbye and pray that all would be well. Everything did go well and she grew and matured while over there and I collected a few more gray hairs. 

My oldest daughter's boyfriend asked me for permission to marry my daughter. Another difficult transition for me but one that I am extremely grateful for. By June we were headed to the church for the wedding. They are happily married and expecting my first grandchild in June. Yahoo!

Daughter number three got her drivers license and turned 18 this year. Now I have 3 adult children. Boy I feel old. 

As eventful as all of that was, I was also quite taken by surprise that God chose this year to turn my life around. He chose this year to help me get off the fence, to stop just being a spectator in my faith life. I was spiritually healed in a very powerful way this year and feel that I must now give back to the One who gave this gift to me. I have started the discernment process for the diaconite. We will see where God takes me with this one. In the meantime I will continue to serve Him in whatever little ways I can. 

OK, now I have the last year recapped. Let's talk about the future. I realized a couple of days ago that I was not hungry. I had not been hungry in a very long time. This was evident just by looking at my waist. Upon further reflection, I also realized that I had lost some of my spiritual hunger. I was still saying all of my prayers and devotions but I was not nearly as hungry for the Word as I had been.

So, what I pray for this coming year is to know hunger. I want to feel my stomach growl because I have neglected to feed it. I want to hungrily devour the Word of God. Hunger is a great driving force in the lives of people. People who never hunger often lose ambition and drive, we become complacent. Maybe my lack of spiritual hunger is caused by a complacency of feeling I was already doing all I could. Perhaps it was some pride in myself causing me to think I didn't need more. Thankfully, God allowed me to be humbled last night and I had to turn to him in supplication.

Happy New Year and I pray that you all know hunger this year. Let us return to feasting on the Word of God.