Over The Hill

I am in my mid 40's. In a lot of ways that really isn't all that old. But at the same time I am starting to feel the effects of age. My wife will keep telling me that I am not all that old. I remind that it isn't the age but the mileage that is getting to me.

I do find myself moving down the road of many men before me. I want to do things that say I am NOT old. I play basketball 3 times a week with a group of men that are anywhere from there mid 20's to their 70's. It makes for a very interesting game. I was not blessed with athletic ability and had never played basketball until about 9 years ago when I started playing with this group. Some of the players change from year to year. But the game never changes.

I am not sure what it is about the game but I find myself unable to give it up. The first year I played I almost lost a finger. I was back in about 6 weeks with my finger taped up playing again. This allows me to test my 'mettle'. I didn't really realize how important this is to the male of our species until I found my then 5 year old son repeatedly jumping off of his bunk bed. Of course, my wife freaked out. I asked him why he 'needed' to do that. He said, "I don't know". I later realized he was testing his 'mettle'. He needed to prove that he could do it.

So, my son repeated tries to prove that he is growing up and getting older while I try and do just the opposite. I have no doubt that my wife wishes we would both just act our ages but I don't think that is possible.

Stop, I want off

My guess is that there is not a parent out there who has never had these thoughts. Now is kind of one of those times. There are so many things all going on at once. I sometimes wonder how any of it will ever get done.

I think back to my parents and the words, "I hope you have kids just like you, someday". That thought just sends shivers down my spine. As it turns out my children, are not just like me but do have many of the same qualities. Each of my six children are unique, each picking up traits from my wife and myself. Mind you, I am very proud of all my children and what they have become and are becoming.

The challenge is seeing those traits in my children that I don't like in myself. I want to immediately fix them. As their parent I want to make sure they never make any mistakes or ever have to suffer. I realize now that I am not supposed to make sure my children are free from suffering or never make mistakes. Rather, it is those times of suffering and mistakes that cause them to grow and become the adults they are supposed to be.

So, while all of life's twists and turns seem overwhelming at times, I also know that my Father in heaven is allowing me to make my own mistakes and endure my own suffering. For this I am grateful. It is through my trials that I have learned so much and gained so much. For example, I now have a greater compassion for people that are dealing weight issue because I have battled weight issues and a propensity to over-eat.